apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
did i just pee glitter
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
