Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
