I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
