i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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