Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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