Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
