what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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