im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
