your parents love me but you hate me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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