today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
