apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
