you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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