He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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