Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
