just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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