it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
