You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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