How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this boner is exhausting
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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