whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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