R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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