why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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