I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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