my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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