four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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