just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
