the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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