my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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