She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
