I murdered the dance floor call the cops
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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