I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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