and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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