I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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