By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
