I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
