when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
