is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Randomize
