I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
