My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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