I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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