Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
