i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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