used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
