I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
