I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
