the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
