after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
