Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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