Barsexuality is the new black.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
