If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im having a threesome with these popsicles
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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