Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
